Out With It, Already

Moment of truth. This will truly be an entry for a diary. I am spilling my guts for this one.

After a long month of deliberating, Todd and I have finally decided to come out with our big secret. It is hard to believe that it has only been a month. It feels like so much longer. Many of you know that our boys both have speech problems. At the suggestion of our pediatrician, we submitted them for autism testing last month. The results came a couple of weeks later. Jacob was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder, or PDD. It is on the spectrum of autism. Christian's diagnosis has been a little harder to swallow - mild to moderate autism. There. I've finally said it. I have 2 boys with autism.

It has been a very hard decision to make this public. What will people think? Will they treat my kids differently? Will they cut us more slack? Probably my biggest fear is that a label will follow the boys for the rest of their lives. A label that can gain them the extra help they need, but disposes them to a variety of prejudices. They don't deserve it. They have done nothing wrong. I, like any parent I suppose, feel very protective of them, especially recently. We contemplated keeping the diagnosis a secret to protect them, but it is just a matter of time before they act out in public and people begin to draw their own conclusions. At least, this way, my hope is that people will try to understand.

I'm not too concerned about Jacob. He has made so much progress in the last year and a half that I have nothing but the highest hopes for him. You might say, I'm blowing it off. I know I, we, are already doing everything we can for him.

Christian is another story. After a year in First Steps, progress has been made, but it has been slow going. He is saying more words, and a couple of learned phrases. He runs and plays normally, is very affectionate, but is still lacking in communication. We are looking at getting him into a special school for ABA therapy. ABA is the most researched therapy and has the best outcomes. Fortunately, our insurance is under an Indiana legal mandate which requires them to pay for this therapy, which can be expensive. We are still at the beginning steps of getting him in the program.

I think I was pretty well in shock for the first couple of weeks. Now, however, the worry has started to set in for me. What did I do wrong? I was nearly a straight A student in school. How could this happen? Is God testing me? I worry about their future so much. I guess like any parent. Sleeping has been difficult. Worrying. I think I am starting to give myself an ulcer because I have a hard time eating without becoming nauseated. I have been trying pretty hard to keep my mind occupied. Just as idle hands are the devil's workshop, so it must be true of the mind. I have been reading non-stop (not books about autism) and playing meaningless computer games to try to keep myself from worrying. Todd seems to be handling it pretty well.

It is so hard to see my friends, and family for that matter, with their "normal" kids. Kids that talk. It makes me jealous, sick to my stomach. "They don't know how good they have it" I say to myself. What did I do wrong? I think Todd and I both think that sometimes. It has to be something genetic that has caused this. Something between me and him. I am the first to admit I have my OCD tendencies. Todd is lucky if he can pay attention sometimes - meetings, classes. We both pretty well instantly decided that we weren't going to have any more children.

Don't get me wrong. I don't mean for any of this to sound like a pity party for me, us. My friends are just starting to realize that I have not been myself lately and I don't know if I have the courage to mention it face to face. I guess it is now that I will find out just who my friends are. Who will be there for me when I need to re-focus? Who will give me a shoulder to cry on when the boys don't seem to be making progress? Who will be willing to share small accomplishments with me?

My new motto is "Go forth and conquer." Those of you who know me well know that I am so stubborn. Failure is not an option. I am focused on them and doing everthing I can so that they will be able to lead a normal, happy life.

Let's See. Where to start?

Yes, I know.  I have been a bad blogger.  So much has happened recently.

I cut back on my hours at work, to 2 12 hour shifts per week.  I really like it so far and I think we will be ok, money-wise.  I have noticed the boys talking so much better since I have made the cut.  

In case you didn't see or hear it, Todd got rear-ended on 96th Street a couple of weeks ago.   We were really hoping they would total it, but no.  Only $6K in damage.  The stang will never be the same.

The boys are keeping me outside lately.  Consequently, my house looks like crap inside.  I can't do any cleaning if I have to be outside all day long.  I'm getting a nice tan, but it's a farmer's tan. 

I think I am done with physical therapy.  It has really helped this time around.  I have gotten a lot of strength, but the grinding continues.  They said, unfortunately, it probably won't go away.  Bummer.  I sound like an old person when I walk around.  At least it doesn't hurt.  

I am taking Christian to the allergist tomorrow.  We had a little problem with hazelnuts a few weeks ago.  He was vomiting all day after he ate a candy bar with nuts in it.  His eczema is getting worse too.  I know it is because he is playing outside, but what am I going to do?  Lock my child inside?  He loves to be outside.  

Last night, it got quiet.....  Then, we saw this:

 

Christian had gotten ahold of the butter and started chowing.  Todd blamed me for being on the computer and not watching him.  I blamed Todd for getting the butter out and not putting it away.  The funny thing is, my mom has a picture of Bob doing the exact same thing at that age.  

All Taped Up

Well, I have had a lot going on recently.

Took the kids to the dentist and everything was a-ok.  Christian has all of his teeth.  No cavities in either kid.  Awesome!!!

I went to the ortho doc, Dr Theiken.  I really like him.  It turns out my meniscus is fine, but my tibia is bruised on the MRI.  He said that would usually happen from an injury or from stress on the knee.  He said if it was stress, he would expect the meniscus to be damaged and mine isn't.  So, that means I have injured my knee sometime in the past 6 months.  I am sure I smacked it and blew it off, thinking "I'll have a nice bruise there tomorrow."  

He said there isn't anything to do, except physical therapy.  I started that about 2 weeks ago and it is going much better than last time.  They are doing McConnell taping, so I am walking around with a bunch of tape on my knee.  It is really helping with the pain though.  After trying the taping 10 years ago in PT, I didn't think it was going to work, but so far, so good.  Alyssa is watching the boys for me during therapy.  It's great because it gets the kids used to their future babysitter.  They just love her.  And they are good, which is surprising.  Why can't they be good for me????

Bunco is Thursday night.  I have spent the day planting flowers and trying to make it look like children don't run my house.  I love spring flowers!!!!!  (Incidentally, if anyone is interested in picking up flowers, Marsh has the exact same ones as Lowe's and they are a lot cheaper.)  And, yes, Todd has not fixed the canopy yet.  I strongly suspect I will be on a ladder Thursday afternoon.  Hopefully, I will post some pics of Bunco.  

Good News!

Well everyone, I found my ring.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  I came out from my shower to find the boys at their usual place, playing in the sink.  Christian was so helpful and removed every cup from the cup dispenser.  So, I started to pick up the cups and I asked Jake, "Where's my ring?"  I have been asking him that a lot lately.  Then I look down to continue the clean up and it is sitting there plain as day.  It must have been inside the cup dispenser, even though I had picked it up and shook it a half dozen times in the past couple of weeks.  

In other news, I am hosting Bunco next month, so if anyone wants to come, let me know.  I have asked Todd to try to mend the deck a bit so that we can play outside.  We decided to build a new pergola.  I warned him that his time is limited, but he thinks he can get it done.  We have so much afternoon sun that it is hard to be outside on the deck then.  It gets very hot.  

My schedule for this week includes taking the boys to the dentist tomorrow, and an ortho appointment for me on Thurday.  The boys are pretty good at the dentist.  I just love their doctor, Michelle Edwards.  She is so great with them and has so many distractions for the kids.  

Thursday, I am going to break down and get my knee checked out.  It has been clicking since November.  (I know, I should know better, I'm a nurse.)  Then, the pain started in December.  This month has brought about ankle pain as well and I can't sleep well at night because my knee hurts.  I got an MRI in March.  My doc was on vacation when I called for the results, and the staff said it was fine.  So for the last month, my knee is getting worse, and I'm thinking "What is going on.  There has to be something wrong if it's getting worse!"  I went in this past week and she said, "It's not fine.  There's fluid in there and you have some band thickening."  She wants me to get checked out because they aren't sure if it is from my last surgery (10 years ago) or if it is something new.  

So, I will try to update and keep everyone posted on all of the above.  :-)

Yet another expensive mistake...

What is a mom to do????

Yesterday, I decided to take a shower.  The boys were being angels, watching TV and I told them what I was doing.  Within a few minutes they had made their way up to our bathroom and were both playing at the sink.  Now, I don't know which one did it, but when I got out of the shower, I could only find my wedding band.  No engagement ring.  

I asked they boys what had happened and got no response.  Looked around everywhere.  I mean I was crawling around on the floor all day looking for it.  When Todd got home, I told him the good news.  He took a clothes hanger and went fishing in the sink.  He said that he was pretty sure the ring wasn't in there, because there was so much crap in the drain, it would never have made it through.  

The good news is we tried our little metal detector trick and both boys came up clean.  Now, I just have to keep searching.  Hopefully, it will turn up.  If not, maybe I can get a new one at some point.  I have thought about turning it in to our homeowners, but not sure if I want to do that just yet.  And for those of you who are thinking it, NO, I didn't lose it on purpose just so I could get a new one.

My Little Change Machine

So, I had some fun yesterday evening.  

I caught Jacob with some coins in his mouth, so I promptly took them away and told him to quit.  I didn't think any more about it.  A few minutes later, Todd was getting ready to take Jake outside to play when Jake said "Eat coin" and pointed to his chest.  After discussing it, I said that he had some in his mouth.  Todd took him outside and decided to dig out the metal detector.  It started going off once Todd stuck it up to Jake's chest.  I didn't believe him at first, but he tried it on me as a baseline, then Jake and it continued to beep.  

So, I took him to the St. Vincent Urgent Care.  I knew that if it was in the stomach, it wouldn't be a big deal.  It would pass on its own.  Our luck was a little different.  Stuck right in the middle of the esophagus.  You don't need to be a radiologist to see this one:

So, from there we went to the Peds ER at St Vincent where we were met by Dr Maisel.  I have always liked Dr Maisel.   She is an amazing person.  You can imagine my relief to have a doctor you know and trust taking care of your child.   After waiting for an OR slot, we went to surgery to get the coin out.  The surgery itself didn't take too long.  They just gassed him and snatched it out.  It was a 1996 penny:

After recovery room, we got to go home.  Jake was starved.  He acted like he hadn't eaten in a month.  

Needless to say, we have been lecturing him about not putting things in his mouth.  I figure I will frame it with the xrays and the bills to let him know just how expensive this penny was!  

Family Vacation - Part 2

Alright, where did I leave off?  

Wednesday morning we discovered that our portable DVD player was broken.  Not a problem

during the vacation, but it was crucial for the plane ride home.  Our options were to take a cab to the closest mall or order one online and have it express shipped to the hotel.  I glanced through the store list at Downtown Disney and saw that they had a Virgin Megastore, so Todd called them up.  We thought it would be a lot easier (and cheaper!) to catch a bus from the hotel rather than risk a cab.  It turns out, not only did they have DVD players, but they happened to have the ONE that Todd had been checking out for a few months - a Sony 8in with a swivel screen and

 key lock.  Ultimately, we decided to go to Animal Kingdom first, then to DD in the evening.

So, we went to Animal Kingdom in the morning.  Before going into the park, we ate lunch at the Rainforest Cafe.  It was really cool.  We got a seat right by the waterfall.  If you've never been there, it is a jungle with animal figures that move and make noises.  Jake loved it.  Christian thought it was ok, but didn't like the little "jungle thunderstorm" that happened a couple of times per hour.  

After lunch, we went into the park and got our fast passes for Kilimanjaro Safari, then walked around the park a bit.  They have a neat self-guided tour called Maharaja Trek or something like that.  They basically have animals, including tigers, placed in a Ruin-like setting.  Very cool.  

e also spent time in Dino Land.  Christian and Jake played on the Dinosaur gym for a while.  Jake got mad that he couldn't ride the Dino Coaster (he was too short), so Daddy took him on the Dinosaur time machine ride.  He loved it.  Such a little daredevil.

Finally, it was time to go back to the Safari.  Wouldn't you know it, but Christian fell asleep on the tour.  I was surprised because it was really bumpy.  Must have been just right for him though.

We went back to the hotel and dropped off our gear, then headed to Downtown Disney for our DVD player.  Of course, we got off at the wrong end and had to foot it to the other end of the complex, but we got our DVD player.  The boys didn't seem to mind it.  Lots of lights and stuff to look at along the way.  

The next morning we headed back to Magic Kingdom where Jake rode Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.  We went to lunch at the Crystal Palace which was character dining for Winnie the Pooh.  Christian still wasn't too hot on the characters.  Jake, however, got some special attention.  When Tigger came to our table, it was time for the hourly parade around the restaurant.  Tigger took Jake by the hand and Jake was first in line following him around the restaurant.  Todd and I couldn't believe that he went.  It was so cute.  

In the evening, I staked out a spot for the Spectromagic Parade.  I think everyone loved this parade.  The boys were in awe and it was Christian's turn for some special attention.  The Genie (from Aladdin) pointed at him and seemed to gesture that he looked comfy (and sleepy).  It was cute.  Definitely worth the wait.  

Friday was our last day.  Todd and I opted to go to Epcot again.  For one thing, there is liquor there and not at the Magic Kingdom.  We rode Journey into Imagination and the Seas with Nemo.  We ended the day with our last character meal at the Garden Grill with Mickey, Pluto, and Chip and Dale.  Pluto must have been lost, because he visited our table 3 times.  Jake had a lot of fun with him though.  Christian finally got brave and decided to touch Pluto.  Better late than never, I guess.  

(Mommy giving Christian devil horns)

Early Saturday morning, we started the trek back home.  Jake had to act up a little on the plane, but he was mostly good.  The flight attendant gave him a sticker.  Todd and I opted not to get the free Valentine's Day drink - it was a little early.  Nana picked us up at the airport and brought us home.  I think Christian was happy to be home.  He started playing with his toys and didn't come out of the family room for over an hour.  

It was fun, but it's good to be home.  Maybe in a couple of years, the whole Dixon clan can go and have a family trip.  

Family Vacation, Part 1

Well, we are finally back from our week long vacation to Disney.  For those who want to know all of the details, here you go.  If you don't, you are mean.  

We left last Saturday.  I talked my mom into taking us to the airport to save us some $$$ on parking.  Can I just say that I love the new airport!  It was so easy to get around in.  My mom pulled up at the terminal and dropped us off.  No crowds at all.  In fact, we walked right up and checked our bags (Southwest) without waiting in line at all.  Since we had time to kill, we ate lunch at Sir Ronalds.  Then, we headed off to security.  The Family line was fabulous.  Lots of tables and benches to get everything out to be checked.  No rush-rush line with the business travelers.  The guards were really nice to the kids too.  Once we got through security, we hit the family bathroom.  Did I mention that I love this airport???  Lots of room to wait at the gate too.  We were in the "A" boarding group, so we all got to sit together near the front of the plane.  The boys were great on the way down.  Jake seemed to think we were on a roller coaster, randomly shouting "Whoa" and "Faster" during take-off.  I brought the DVD player and we watched Wall-E.  Next thing we knew, we were in Orlando.

We utilized Disney's Magical Express.  If you aren't familiar, they take you to your resort (for free) and they claim your luggage and bring it to your room in a couple of hours.  Once we checked in at the Wilderness Lodge, we ate dinner, then headed to the pool.  Disney has heated pools, so even though it was cool out (60's) the boys still had fun.  The first night was a challenge, however.  Christian had trouble falling asleep in unfamiliar surroundings.  Poor guy.  He got the hang of it at about 1 am.

For our first day, we headed to the Contemporary Resort for a character breakfast at Chef Mickey's.  Jake enjoyed the characters, and took these pictures with his camera:

Here are a couple of ours:

Christian wasn't too hot on the characters this time around.  He cried and tried to get away.    After breakfast, we took the monorail into the Magic Kingdom.  We rode Pirates of the Caribbean at least twice.  We found that the key to Christian's heart is suckers, so we loaded up to keep him happy.  Finally, he decided a nap would work for him.

Monday and Tuesday, we went to Epcot.  Jacob started his Epcot passport book.  

All of the "Kidcot" stops signed his book in their native language.    The boys probably had the most fun at the "Outpost" where they played the drums for what seems like forever. 

 

For dining, we ate lunch Monday at the Coral Reef restaurant, next to the giant aquarium.  They did OK at this meal.  For dinner, we went to Teppan Edo, a hibachi steak house, like Benihana.  Jake enjoyed watching the chef cook right in front of him.  Christian was pretty much throwing a fit for at least half of each meal.  At this point, the boys were still getting used to eating in public.  You see, we know they are brats, so we just don't take them out to eat!!!  Your welcome!  

To be continued...

Chapter 2 - A New Year

Hello All. I decided to start a new chapter in my diaries. Christian turned 2 today.

He is turning into such a cutie. I guess he gets his good looks from his mommy! Papaw, Nana, Grandma, and Aunt Bev came to celebrate.

Christian wasn't too into opening gifts, so he needed a little help. He liked having the extra attention though.

The cake was fun! Daddy helped him blow out his candle. Then he decided to eat the icing one finger at a time. I swear, I should have just bought a jar of frosting, because there was no cake eaten by either of the boys today. I'm sure they will be buzzing around on a sugar high for the rest of the evening.

In other news, now I get to start packing for our vacation. Yeah!!!! And, over at Facebook, I am having quite the little virtual class reunion with my elementary school buddies. I have got to find my pictures to post. I know they are around here somewhere...